Momma, come sit with me.

‘Momma, come sit with me.’ That’s what my 3 year old said today at lunchtime. He had been picking at his sandwich and sticking around the table after everyone else had went to their rooms for lunch. He gave me that sweet smile with those little blue eyes just a sparkling. Who could resist that smile?

Not me! The neverending To-Do list can wait. The basket of unfolded laundry can wait. The dirty dishes in the sink can wait. The chores that need finished can wait. The millions of other things running through my mind,at any given moment, can wait.

Right now he needs me and he is asking me for my time. I admit that sometimes I feel like I am spread pretty thin. I feel like I just can’t do anything more than what I am doing right now. It’s hard being a Momma.It’s hard being a single Momma. It’s hard being a special needs Momma. It’s hard being a single special needs Momma! Yes, I said it’s hard. It’s almost downright impossible on some days. But then there are the good days or the little moments like this.

The house is quiet-ish as everyone is settling down for naps and/or quiet time. The school work has been finished and put away. He continues to nibble at his sandwich while I grab my glass of watered down iced tea. I sit in the chair next to him and he smiles. A genuinely lit up ear to ear kind of smile. Those little eyes are just dancing with ideas that he wants to tell me.

So he begins by informing me that my feet are in the water. I laugh and pull my feet up and sit cross legged in the chair.

‘Is that better?’, I ask.

‘Yes, Momma, now the sharks can’t get you.’

‘Well that’s a good thing! Thank you so much for warning me.’, I say.

He laughs and then he proceeds to explain to me how a T-Rex would catch a fish. He imitates the T-Rex while eating his fish (peanut butter sandwich) and he laughs a lot. He tells me what he wants for snack later, a dinosaur cupcake from yesterday, and he asks if he and ‘all my friends’ can go outside after naps. He always refers to his brothers and sisters as ‘all my friends’ and he draws a big circle in the air when he says it. It is so cute!

He eats a few more bites and declares he is full. Then he grabs his napkin and attempts to wipe the peanut butter off his face. I help him and he takes off running back to his room before I can finish. He jumps into his bed and curls up with a stuffed toy and his favorite dinosaur toy. Then he closes his eyes and pretends to be asleep. I lean over and give him a quick kiss on the cheek and he giggles.

These are the moments that make my day and give me the momentum I need to get through the tough days. I get a little sad as I know they are all growing up so fast. I know that before long he won’t be asking me to come sit with him anymore. I want to take the time to cherish these little moments and enjoy them while I can.

I walked back to the kitchen to jot down this post so I will have it to look back on in the future. I think about how blessed I am and how precious life is. I am so thankful that God has put me where I am right now. He has given me more than I ever deserved and I know He has so many plans in store for me and my family.

He always knows what we need and when we need it. This morning I read Proverbs 13:4:

It reminds me that I need to keep pressing on towards my goals. I can’t give up and let myself get lazy. I can have hope in knowing that if I stay diligent there will be a reward for all of the hard work I put in here on earth. This little moment with my son was just a taste of that and it was so beautiful! I can’t even begin to imagine what the future may hold for us.

Thank you Lord for your blessings on me and my family!

Would The Real Boaz Please Stand Up?

I’ve been reading a lot about Ruth, Naomi, and Boaz. It is one of the most beautiful love stories told in the Bible. It shows how God can use the most tragic of circumstances, the poorest of the poor, and the most humblest people to fulfill His great plans. It shows God’s power and control of our lives, even when we don’t understand what is going on in our lives.

For me, this really hits home. No, I haven’t been widowed, but I am alone. I have been transplanted to a place where I knew almost no one but I am not struggling to get by on a daily basis. Or am I? I do have my struggles but I don’t think they would ever compare to the struggles that Ruth and Naomi faced. Nor do I ever feel that I would be worthy of the blessings that were bestowed upon them.

I do however have hope that there is one out there for me. My ‘Boaz’, if you will. Over the past few months I have met a few men that displayed the character traits of Boaz. I am not talking about men who were rich landowners as I rarely ask about a person’s occupation or income. I am talking about men of integrity and faith. Men that are genuinely kind and give without expecting anything in return. Men that I would consider to be of good moral character and who I would trust to lead my family.

Time and time again I have been let down. There have been various reasons, sometimes they get tired of keeping up the false front, sometimes I may have been to blame in some ways. I know that feelings of rejection can creep up from hurts I’ve had before and affect the way I feel. I do have a hard time trusting people when I’ve opened up my heart to them and they use my weaknesses against me. This is not what my real Boaz would do, he would never want to hurt me or see me hurt. He would want to guard my heart and wipe my tears, not be the cause for them. I still have faith and hope that God is working and I will keep waiting and praying for this man.

I try to pray daily for him even though I don’t know who he is, where he is, or what he is doing. What am I praying for? I pray that he will love God more than anything else and that he will pursue his relationship with God above everything else. I am praying for his health, safety, and protection. I am praying that God will work in his life to help him develop the traits and character qualities, like humility and integrity, that will bring honor and glory to God. I pray that God will guide him to be the leader that I will need him to be. I pray that God will teach him how to love, unconditionally, as he will need to accept my children unconditionally if he is truly my Boaz. I pray that he is successful in whatever he sets his mind to and that God will bring him peace and rest after his hard work. I pray that he is surrounded by friends and family that support him.

I also try to pray that God will shape me and mold me into the person that my Boaz will need me to be. I want to be ready for whenever he comes my way. I pray that God will teach me to be a good help meet. I pray that God will help me to develop the qualities that he will need from me so that I can support and encourage him. I pray that I will be the love of his life, and he will be mine also. I pray that God will give me wisdom and discernment in the choices I am making now that may affect my future. I pray for the strength to overcome any weaknesses I have and that they can be turned into strengths. I pray that I will learn to love unconditionally and accept him for who he is. I pray that God will heal my heart from my past relationships and not allow those feelings to creep into future relationships.

 

God knows me better than I know myself. He knows my needs and my wants. He knows my strengths and weaknesses. He knows my likes and my dislikes. He knows what I need and when I need it. He shows me glimpses of traits and qualities that my Boaz will have and He gives me hope and encouragement. I trust that He will bring my Boaz along in His perfect timing according to His will and plan for me.

I pray for patience and faith while I am in this state of waiting. I am not actively searching for My Boaz because I know that God will put me where I need to be for him to find me. Who knows maybe he has already found me and God is still working on us before He opens ours eyes to see the plan He has in store for us?

Afraid To Love

I’m sure all of us, at one time, or another have thought about how nice it would be to live secluded away from others for a time. I have thought about it more than once in the past little bit. I have come to realize that this would be selfish and a bit self centered. It would not be at all what God has called us to do.

Sometimes it is because we have been hurt by those around us. Other times the weight of the world just seems too heavy to bear any longer. There could be a million reasons why we would want to withdraw and hold back our feelings but that is not what God wants us to do.

He has called us to love one another. Time and time again it is mentioned in the Bible about loving others. It has been explained and modeled by Jesus himself. He does not want us to withdraw or to withhold love from others. No matter what we are going through we should always show compassion towards others. No matter what they have done to us we still need to love them just as He has done for us.

We are all, each and every one of us, sinners that have or can be saved by grace. There is not one of us that could be held blameless. We are not to judge the sins of another because we have our own sins that could be judged. We need to be a constant source of encouragement to them. Yes, we have our bad days but that is when our lights can shine the brightest.

Each of us, to some degree, have a yearning to be accepted. We want to feel like we belong to something or that we really matter to someone. This may be a little selfish or self focused but it is natural for us to feel this way. We want to be loved and respected by those around us. We want to have a close relationship with others. Sometimes though past experiences can make us afraid to love or to accept love.

The sermon at church today touched on so many of these points. I have been studying a lot of the same verses the past couple of weeks. It gave me a new understanding and perspective to see this from. How can we show a Christ like love towards others?

Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares. Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body. Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.

— Hebrews 13:1-6King James Version (KJV)

We can do it through our hospitality. By welcoming others into our lives and showing them kindness. We can help them to feel accepted, welcomed, and loved. We can do it by showing empathy for others. We can do this in person or through prayer. There are so many others that are in worse situations than we could ever imagine and need our prayers on a daily basis.

Of course, we should show this love towards our families. We should show love towards our spouses and our children. By modeling this love in our families we can be a role model to others and to our children.

We can do this also by having the proper outlook on life and towards those we meet. We don’t know what others are going through or have been through. For this reason we are not to judge them but to accept them. We are not to look down on them but to see them as equals. We are to help them without the thought of what they could do for us. We are to show them unconditional love.

We each need to renew our commitments to God and ask Him to help us show brotherly love towards everyone we meet. When we experience God’s love to the fullest it will overflow and spill out onto those around us. His love will be the driving force behind your desire to show love to others.

Don’t be afraid to love others. I know sometimes it is hard to forgive others for things they have done or to look past things that have happened. If you can overlook those things and let God’s love shine through you and through your actions you will be bringing honor and glory to our Lord.

 

Gratitude With Grace

Did you know that the word gratitude comes from the word ‘gratus’ which also gives us the word grace?  I didn’t know this until recently but I know that they sure do go hand in hand. It is hard to have one without the other.

I know life can get you down. We can fall into a pit of despair and have pity party after pity party when we think of all the bad things that have happened to us. It is OK to be upset or feel sad when something bad happens. We need to feel it and get over it. We have to make the conscious choice to get over it.

If we don’t then we get stuck in the negativity of everyday life. We will start to look for things to be upset with or to complain about. Complaining to everyone who will listen helps us to feel justified in feeling the way we feel. But it also keeps us from seeing the blessings that are all around us.

So your car broke down and you were late for work because you had to wait for a tow truck. Instead of looking at it in a negative way try to be thankful, the tow truck driver is. He needed that call to pay for his daughter’s dental appointment. It is also possible that delay  could’ve saved you from an accident down the road.

When we dwell on the negatives it is sinful. It is something that Satan wants to keep us from experiencing the grace of God. The bible tells us to give thanks for everything. It doesn’t say to give thanks for the things we perceive as good, or just when we get what we want. We need to give thanks even when it’s hard to understand why something has happened.

 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.- 1 Thessalonians 5:18

I am constantly reminding myself that I am only seeing a small part of the big plan that God has in mind for my life. Maybe, just maybe, He needs to use these inconveniences to help me change my course or to keep me from tripping and falling into sin. I always try to remember that when He says ‘No’ to something that I’ve asked for it is usually because He has something much better in store for me down the road.

Just thinking about that gets me excited! I mean most of the times I am asking for something that seems really wonderful at the moment. Yes, I feel a little disappointment when it doesn’t happen but then curiosity takes hold. I have to wonder what could possibly be better than what I had in mind? I get a little anxious but I know that God only wants the best for me and He will reveal His plan in His time. He feels the same about each of His children.

I know how hard it is to feel grateful when you are sitting on the side of the road in a car that just won’t go but try to give thanks in every situation and every circumstance that you find yourself in. So the next time you find yourself complaining or throwing a pity party try to think of something to be thankful for. It will get easier the more you do it and before you know it your whole attitude will turn around and you will be so much happier. Your eyes will be opened to the blessings of God’s grace that surround you each and every day.

When we obey our Lord then we are showing Him our gratitude for the grace He has shown to us. Just think about how you feel when someone thanks you for something that you’ve done. It pleases God the same way when we thank Him for the many ways He has blessed our lives.

January 2, 2017

I’m sitting here writing this before 7pm and I am exhausted. This past week has seemed like an eternity. The kids have been super hyper, family tensions have exploded, and life has just been down right crazy. There have been many times this past week that, even in the midst of all the chaos, I have felt so lonely.

That’s how life goes though. We have to have the bad to know what the good is. We need the craziness to keep us on our toes. It all works together to mold us and shape us into who we need to be.

There have been some really good moments and some funny ones too. Today DS3 asked me for a piece of ‘turned over cake’ aka Pineapple Upside-Down Cake. He was so happy to get a piece after dinner. It’s amazing how the simplest things can bring a smile to a child’s face.

Then there was this little couple at the grocery store today. They were older, reminded me a bit of my mom-mom and pop-pop, but they were so cute. I wanted to snap a picture but I didn’t want them to think I was completely off my rocker so I didn’t. I was happy to see them but also a little sad.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever have that. That’s what I signed up for, not once or twice, but three times now. Three times it hasn’t worked out. It seems that every time I see a little glimpse of that it slips away from me and feels like it was just a figment of my imagination.

That’s when the Devil slips in and tries to tell me that I’m not good enough or that I’ll never be enough for anyone. He reminds me of my past failures and he points out my kids. He tells me that noone would ever be crazy enough to sign up for all of this.

Well, he is WRONG! I know he is. How do I know? Because God has said that I am His daughter and He is the KING! If it is God’s best for me then I will have it. So, I will try my best to be content where I am right now. Even though where I am right now is not where I thought I was a week or so ago. It is so hard to keep the faith sometimes but I will trust in His promises.

Even when times are hard God is there. We may not see Him or feel Him but He is there. When it seems like the dead of winter is upon us, He is with us. He is working on us, pruning us, shaping us, molding us for the plans He has for us. We may not see the fruits of our labors right now but we will see them in the future. He is so good!

Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls;

Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. 

The Lord God is my strength, and He will make my feet like hinds’ feet, and he will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments.

— Habakkuk 3: 17-19