Scripture — Romans 12:18 KJV
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
Welcome back to 31 Days of Prayer for Estranged Family and Friends—a journey of surrender, healing, forgiveness, and restoration.
Yesterday, we prayed for God to prepare the conversation.
We asked Him to prepare our hearts, guard our words, help us listen, and make us ready if an opportunity to communicate comes.
But today we’re facing another question.
When should we reach out?
Do we send the text?
Make the phone call?
Write the letter?
Or…
do we wait?
Romans 12:18 says:
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
There is so much wisdom in that verse.
It acknowledges something we sometimes forget:
Peace involves our obedience—but it doesn’t depend entirely upon us.
So today we’re going to pray:
“Father, show me what belongs to me—and show me when to move and when to wait.”
“If It Be Possible”
I think those first four words are incredibly important:
“If it be possible…”
Scripture acknowledges that sometimes peace between two people isn’t entirely within one person’s control.
You can apologize.
You can forgive.
You can change your behavior.
You can leave the door open.
You can speak kindly.
You can pray.
But you cannot force another person to reconcile with you.
And that’s difficult when we love someone.
Because sometimes we think:
“If I just try harder, maybe I can fix this.”
But reconciliation requires something we cannot manufacture:
another person’s willingness.
So God isn’t asking us to control someone else’s response.
He’s asking us to faithfully tend what He has placed in our hands.
“As Much as Lieth in You”
And that’s why the next part is so beautiful:
“As much as lieth in you…”
In other words:
Do your part.
Maybe your part is apologizing.
Maybe your part is forgiving.
Maybe your part is changing a pattern that contributed to the estrangement.
Maybe your part is sending a gentle message.
But perhaps your part right now is respecting a boundary.
Maybe you’ve already reached out.
Maybe you’ve already apologized.
Maybe you’ve already made it clear that the door is open.
And now…
your part is to wait.
Sometimes obedience looks like reaching out.
And sometimes obedience looks like leaving room.
Wisdom is knowing the difference.
Check Your Motive Before You Reach Out
Before sending that message, we might ask ourselves:
“Why do I want to reach out right now?”
Is it because I genuinely want to express love?
Is there something I need to apologize for?
Do I simply want them to know the door remains open?
Or…
am I afraid?
Am I lonely tonight?
Am I desperate for reassurance?
Am I hoping they’ll finally explain themselves?
Am I trying to force a response because the silence has become uncomfortable?
Remember Day 13:
Release the “what ifs.”
And Day 7:
Stop striving.
Fear says:
“Do something right now or you’ll lose them forever.”
Wisdom says:
“Pray first.”
We want our reaching out to come from peace…
not panic.
A Loving Message Doesn’t Demand an Answer
If you do feel led to reach out, perhaps the message doesn’t need to contain everything you’ve been carrying.
It doesn’t need to solve the relationship.
It doesn’t need to explain the entire past.
Sometimes a message can simply say:
“I was thinking about you today. I love you, and I’m praying for you. There’s no pressure to respond.”
And then…
this is the hard part.
Mean the last sentence.
Don’t send a pressure-free message and then spend the next twelve hours staring at your phone.
Don’t send another message asking whether they saw it.
Don’t recruit someone else to find out why they didn’t respond.
You’ve planted the seed.
Leave it in the soil.
Respecting a Boundary Can Be an Act of Love
There’s something else we need to say clearly.
If someone has specifically asked you not to contact them, wisdom may mean honoring that request unless there’s a genuine emergency or another appropriate reason to communicate.
Reconciliation doesn’t grow well through repeated boundary violations.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can say is nothing at all.
Not because we’ve stopped caring.
But because love isn’t only concerned with what we need to express.
Love also considers what the other person has asked us to respect.
You can remain prayerful.
You can remain hopeful.
You can keep your heart open.
And still give someone space.
Returning to Our Garden
Let’s come back to our echinacea and mustard.
The echinacea reminds us of healing.
The mustard reminds us of faith.
But today, think about something every gardener eventually learns:
You can overwater a plant.
Water is good.
But more isn’t always better.
If we see a struggling plant, our instinct may be:
Maybe it needs more water.
So we water again.
And again.
And again.
But sometimes what the plant needs most is simply…
space and time.
Relationships can be similar.
Reaching out can be loving.
But repeatedly reaching out because we’re afraid may become pressure.
Sometimes faith waters.
And sometimes faith waits.
Today’s Action — The 24-Hour Prayer Pause
If you’re considering reaching out to the person you’re estranged from, don’t act immediately today.
Unless there’s an urgent reason to communicate, give yourself a 24-hour prayer pause.
Write in your journal:
“Father, does this message come from peace or from fear?”
Then ask:
Have I already said what needs to be said?
Am I respecting their boundaries?
Do I expect a response?
Am I trying to relieve my own anxiety?
Will this message place pressure on them?
Would waiting be more loving right now?
Then pray:
“Lord, if I should reach out, give me peace and wisdom. If I should wait, give me patience.”
And don’t be afraid if the answer is:
Not yet.
Waiting can be obedience too.
Today’s Prayer
Let’s pray.
Heavenly Father,
Your Word says:
“If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.”
Father, I want to do the part that belongs to me.
But I don’t want to take responsibility for the part that doesn’t.
So today I bring __________ before You.
You know whether communication would be helpful right now.
You know their heart.
You know my heart.
You know the timing.
And You know what I cannot see.
If I should reach out, give me wisdom.
Prepare my words.
Keep them simple.
Keep them gentle.
Keep them free from manipulation, guilt, accusation, or pressure.
Help me speak from love rather than fear.
And if I should not reach out right now…
give me the strength to wait.
If I’ve already apologized, help me stop trying to make them accept my apology.
If I’ve already opened the door, help me stop repeatedly knocking from the other side.
If they’ve asked for space, give me the humility to respect it.
Father, show me what “as much as lieth in you” means for me.
Show me what belongs to me.
And help me surrender what belongs to them.
I cannot control whether __________ answers.
I cannot control whether they forgive.
I cannot control whether they want reconciliation.
I cannot control their timing.
But I can choose peace.
I can choose forgiveness.
I can choose humility.
I can choose obedience.
And I can pray.
Father, if a door should open, make the timing clear.
If a door needs to remain closed for a season, give me peace there too.
Protect me from mistaking anxiety for urgency.
Protect me from mistaking striving for obedience.
And protect me from using love as an excuse to ignore someone’s boundaries.
Give me faith—even if it is only the size of a mustard seed—to believe that I don’t have to force what You are capable of arranging.
I will do what belongs to me.
And I will trust You with everything else.
In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.
Before we finish today, look once more at our garden.
The echinacea reminds us that healing takes time.
The mustard reminds us to keep walking by faith.
And today, the watering can reminds us of something important:
Even something good can become too much when we don’t know when to stop.
Sometimes love reaches out.
Sometimes love apologizes.
Sometimes love leaves the door open.
And sometimes…
love gives space.
So don’t let fear decide whether you send the message.
Ask God for wisdom.
Ask Him to show you the part that belongs to you.
Then trust Him enough to leave the rest alone.
Plant the prayer. Tend your heart. Seek God’s timing. Reach out in peace—or faithfully wait. And trust God with the growth.
And as always,
may your roots grow deep and your spirit stay nourished.
God bless you, and I’ll see you tomorrow.
